Sometimes I wish I had never met you.
Before you there was nothing but art in my life.
Fleeting romances with my imagination,
turbulent desires for something I couldnt have.
Then, at least, I knew I wasnt capable.
I knew that I was doomed to a life of loneliness,
That my heart would not open to another person.
That I could only find what I expected to find in men...
An amusing diversion,
More stability than I possess alone.
With you though,
With you the world opened up around me.
I found more feeling in a single moment than I had before in years
I found a joy Id not imagined could exist for me.
I found I was not broken.
I saw that I could trust for no reason,
Or perhaps only because it felt correct.
Fear became acceptable,
It just seemed so much worth the risk.
But now I wonder if it was worth it.
If it was worth the discovery of my ability to become attached to someone,
Only to find that he does not share these same wondrous emotions.
To find that I am so invaluable to you as to warrant not even friendship.
To desire so much the beauty of your presence, and find my own scorned.
To think of you even now,
After as much time as Ive known you has passed once more.
To still feel your heat inside of me.
To see you so regularly in my dreams at night,
To know your face each time I close my eyes.
Is it worth that?
Is the enchantment of you, and the possibility of love...
Is it worth the torment of not being so in your eyes?
Is it worth knowing that my touch is not worth an effort?
That my voice does not burn you as yours burns me?
Is it worth knowing that the one man I wished to have enchanted...
Is not.
